Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
