new low.... made out with someone while peeing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
