how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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