whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
