no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
