Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
