if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
