Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize