Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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