i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
