something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
