Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
