Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
