You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
