i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
