Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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