My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
