i just had sex bonerless
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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