I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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