Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
