She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i think i just lost a toe
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
