there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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