Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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