and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
