he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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