my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
