Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
