I love having hate sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
