Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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