I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there was a trapeze. enough said
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
