I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize