If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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