is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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