There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
