Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
worst night to have a conscience
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When did angry sex become our thing?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
