i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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