..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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