Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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