So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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