im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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