grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
