I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize