Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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