I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
