I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
