I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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