i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
