twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
