She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
