if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
