Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
