...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize