omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
