I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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