I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
