Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
