If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
