the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
