So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
should my penis look like a turkey
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
