We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
