His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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