Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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