the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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