i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
