He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
