I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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