I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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