Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Damn victory sex feels great
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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