The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
