you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
