I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize