WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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