good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
