After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it's like iHOP with fire
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize